"Preventing" Rape.

This is a modified version I made of a bulletin I got on myspace several years ago. I made it more gender neutral, added situations that I thought should be added... it's still a work in progress.

I'm getting tired of the well-meaning bulletins and emails about what to do to "prevent" rape that basically blame the victim (long hair, short skirts, walking in alleys) with no real solution mentioned (um... educate people who think that might makes right and who think they can legitimately have power over another human being?); comments like "if someone tried that with me, I'd (insert whatever here)"- effectively silencing people in the room who have experienced sexual assault; and sensationalized reports of rapists "roaming" the city. Most survivors know their assailants!

We must hold the people, especially the male-bodied and male-perceived, in our society accountable. This is the only way we can start making a change.

Please leave a comment to discuss it! More resources would be great, also...

p.s.- If this ends up printed out on sticker paper and added to the walls of your town, especially bathrooms, principally male bathrooms, it ain't my fault, yo.

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A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.

Women should learn self-defense.
Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark.
Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts.
Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended.
In fact, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

But, if fact, rape is not just a female bodied concern. Men, male-bodied people, and other bodied/gender identified people should be concerned with rape. Most importantly, rape is not the responsibility of the survivor, it is the responsibility of the predator.

Instead of that sexist, victimizing idea, how about:

If a person is drunk, don't rape them.
If a person is walking alone at night, don't rape them.
If a person is drugged and unconscious, don't rape them.
If a person is wearing a short skirt or shorts, don't rape them.
If a person is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape them.
If a person looks like the ex you're still hung up on, don't rape them.
If a person is asleep in their bed, don't rape them.
If a person is asleep in your bed, don't rape them.
If a person is doing their laundry, don't rape them.
If a person is in a coma, don't rape them.
If a person changes their mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape them.
If a person has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape them.
If a person is not yet a adult, but a child, don't rape them.
If a person is "ugly" and you think they'll appreciate it in the long run, don't rape them.
If the person agrees to sex with a condom, but you want to take it off, don't rape them.
If your partner or significant other is not in the mood, don't rape them.
If your child or family member is watching tv, don't rape them.
If you break into a house and find a person there, don't rape them.

If your "friend" thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell them it's not, and that they're not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you they raped someone and got away with it, report them.
If your peer or another person at the party tells you there's an unconscious person upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape them, call the police and tell the peer they're a rapist.

If they moaned and got hot, you're still a rapist.
If they came, you're still a rapist.
If they were on top, but forced, you're still a rapist.
If you used a condom, you're still a rapist.
If there were no weapons involved, you're still a rapist.
If they were someone you had sex with before, you're still a rapist.

Tell family, friends, co-workers, neighbors it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't tell your friends how to be safe and avoid rape, or what they "should" have done.
Don't imply that they could have avoided it if they'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way their fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you they "got some" with the drunk person.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

Some great resources:
Can I Kiss You?
Scarleteen
Sexual Health