Breaking the Silence: On Living Pro-Lifers' Choice for Women

From Shakesville:

Hey, Shakers, Liss has graciously allowed me to yell in her forum. Many thanks, Liss. I have no other outlet for what I'm about to say. I want to tell you first: at least one of you knows me in person. What I'm about to say is something you do not know about me. If it's not you, then one of your friends might be like me.

I'm the birth mother of an adopted child, vehemently pro-choice, non-Christian, very unsuited to motherhood, and after over a decade, have got some things to tell the world about adoption. It's been stewing since I heard about the recent rash of pre-abortion ultrasound legislation. While I am touched that so many men in such various states are so deeply worried about women possibly being all sad from having an abortion, I wish to point out to these compassionately bleeding hearts that the alternatives are not exactly without their own emotional consequences.

...

I have given a baby up for adoption, and I have had an abortion, and while anecdotes are not evidence, I can assert that abortions may or may not cause depression - it certainly did not in me, apart from briefly mourning the path not taken - but adoption? That is an entirely different matter. I don't doubt that there are women who were fine after adoption, and there is emphatically nothing wrong with that or with them; but I want to point out that if we're going to have a seemingly neverending discussion about the sorrow and remorse caused by abortion, then it is about goddamn time that we hear from birth mothers too.

Read the rest of the amazing piece here.

A message from the team at MomsRising

This came to me via the Anti-Racist Parenting blog:

At MomsRising we’re always looking out to make sure that mothers and families are treated fairly in our nation. The other day I saw a video that shocked me: Two young children crying, alone in a car, reaching out for their mother who’d been taken away by deputies wearing ski masks after being stopped for a minor traffic violation.[1] The images haven’t left me. A nightmare, right? Never in America? Wrong.

A local NBC news report described the incident through the eyes of a witness, “…the deputies were wearing ski masks and detained the children’s mother for about an hour while her children watched, crying.”[2]
Who’s in charge of these deputies!?

It turns out that the person in charge knew exactly what was going on. Sheriff Arpaio has been cited repeatedly for gross civil rights violations and racial profiling of both citizens and non-citizens in the name of immigration enforcement, and when questioned about his tactics, he said that under his jurisdiction, “it was not unusual for law enforcement officers to wear ski masks while on duty.”[2,3]

In the video the young girl is asked, “What did the sheriff tell you?” The little girl said, “To be quiet, but I couldn’t ’cause I wanted to go with my mommy.” [2] And here’s what Mary, a MomsRising team member said after seeing the video, “We may not all be on the same page about immigration policy, but we do all agree that children and mothers shouldn’t be treated this way.”

Regardless of where immigration policy stands, no one should be treated that way. We’ve all got to stand up against this inhumane treatment of families. This type of treatment of women and families simply isn’t acceptable.

*Watch the video and join us in urging the Department of Justice to investigate Sheriff Arpaio’s tactics at: http://www.momsrisingaction.org/o/1768/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=26817

-Please forward this [post] to friends and family now so they too can take action too. We need to put a spotlight on this inhumane treatment with as many people paying attention as possible in order to get an investigation.

Together we can do something about this. Sheriff Arpaio is out of control in Maricopa County, Arizona, and it’s going to take all of us, and then some, standing up to say that this type of treatment has got to stop.
With over 2,700 lawsuits against him, a history of virulently anti-Latino and anti-immigrant tactics, and 40,000 felony warrants outstanding in his jurisdiction, Sheriff Arpaio has fostered a climate in which real criminals roam free while his deputies cross the line by using tactics that violate civil rights in the name of immigration enforcement.[4]

The voices of mothers are needed right now to say clearly that all mothers and children need to be treated with respect and fairness.

*Don’t forget to watch the video and sign on now to urge the U.S. Department of Justice investigate Sheriff Arpaio at: http://www.momsrisingaction.org/o/1768/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=26817

Mothers taken away from young children by men in ski masks, and people being marched in shackles through town to electric fenced “tent cities” in the desert [5] crosses the line of humane treatment. Let’s help put a stop to this.

Thank you - Kristin, Joan, Katie, Dionna, Mary, Ariana, Anita, Ashley, Donna, Roz, Julia, and the MomsRising Team

[1] See the video and take action: http://www.momsrisingaction.org/o/1768/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=26817

[2] February 5th, 2009: http://www.azcentral.com/12news/news/articles/2009/02/05/20090205motherarrested02052009-CR.html

[3] From “Paying the Price: The Impact of Immigration Raids on America’s Children”: Approximately five million children have an undocumented parent; however, the vast majority of these children are U.S. citizens and under the age of ten. Despite efforts to mitigate harm to children by changing the manner in which raids and other immigration enforcement actions are conducted, children continue to be placed in harm’s way.
[4] http://www.americasvoiceonline.org/page/content/sheriff
[5] February 5th, 2009: http://www.azcentral.com/12news/news/articles/2009/02/05/20090205motherarrested02052009-CR.html, http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/04/opinion/04wed2.html , http://vivirlatino.com/2009/03/04/thousands-protest-racist-sheriff-joe-arpaio-in-arizona.php

p.s. MomsRising joins the National Day Laborer Organizing Network (http://www.ndlon.org), National Council of La Raza (http://www.nclr.org), America’s Voice (http://americasvoiceonline.org/page/content/sheriff), and many others in calling on the U.S. Department of Justice to begin a federal investigation into Sheriff Arpaio’s tactics.

BBC acts over light-skinned doll

The doll (right) differs from how Upsy Daisy appears in the show (left).

The BBC is to replace a doll based on the Upsy Daisy character from CBeebies TV show In the Night Garden following complaints it is too light-skinned.

Full article here.

Typical white-washing of culture and aiming it at children. Because, they're just kids, yaknow? They're not gonna notice.

Watch A Girl Like Me if you think young girls don't internalize the messages society send them every day. It's only 7 minutes long, but a big damn eye opener if you've never though of it before.

The video can be seen for free here.

Girl rescues tortured puppy

By the time Calli Vanderaa discovered the seven-week-old puppies in the garbage dumpster stationed behind her house, the fourth grader had spent two years soaking up ample evidence of society’s dark underbelly. She’d already seen more than most people witness in a lifetime.

The little girl was tossing away grass clippings with her dad last summer when they turned to walk away. She stopped in her tracks, ears instinctively tuned to the pleading cries coming from the big brown bin. The sounds were faint but unmistakably alive.

“I asked him, ‘Did you hear that?’”

“No,” he said.

“Well, come here.”

Her father Corey found a stool to boost himself up into the tall steel structure. Thankfully Calli stayed behind.

“He said I didn’t want to see what was inside there,” she told me.

The incident of cruelty made an impression on Calli. Last month, she wrote a letter to her local newspaper, the Winnipeg Free Press, detailing what had happened. A poem she had composed was also enclosed.

Dear Sir
My name is Calli Vanderaa.
I’m 9 years old and I live with my daddy.
One day we found a little puppy in the BFI bin in our lane. Somebody had put 3 puppies in there and set them on fire.
Two of the puppies died but daddy and I saved one that was sitting in the corner crying.
We took her home and named her Jessie. She is happy and growing bigger every day.

Full article here, with pictures

Against Backdrop of Sexual Violence, Ads, Too, Exploit Young Teens

From RH Reality.

The latest face of fashion in Jamaica is that of an innocent looking thirteen year old girl. Heavily made up and suggestively sporting a bikini, this pubescent girl was recently featured in local newspapers, touting her as the latest winner in the Pulse Jamaican fashion model contest. While it holds true that the fashion industry has long been centered on the bodies of under-aged girls, what is startling about this latest face of the Jamaican fashion industry is its'obvious youth. This youth, when combined with the not-so-subtle sexualization of the girl, paints a frightening picture of our society. No matter the justification, how does it become okay to feature a child, not even fully physically developed, in a bikini and wearing make-up?

As should be expected, the image of the girl has been met by some degree of public outrage. Interestingly enough, the moderate level of outrage seems to me to be in sharp contrast with the wide-scale public reaction, some months ago, to the proposed introduction of a school textbook that made passing mention of homosexual families. At that time, the collective national sentiment towards the text, which in defining family types made mention of those with same-sex parents, can be summed up as "Not in Jamaica!" The thinking and feeling seems to have been that condoning, even if implicitly, the normalcy of homosexuality would be a very un-Jamaican thing to do. Yet, this same level of nationalism does not surface when we see the body of a young girl being portrayed in such a manner.

The lack of collective outrage is an indictment on our society.

Against a wider backdrop of sexual violence being committed against, and perpetrated by, children and adolescents, the sexualization of an under-aged teenager is extremely problematic and potentially dangerous.

We live in a sexualized world. Companies use sex to sell the most random of products, from jump drives to cars. Rapid advancements in the media have made images and information accessible to almost everyone, easily bringing music and home videos, photos and advertisements directly into our homes, our phones, and our computers. The music we listen to; the movies we watch; the advertisements which inundate us; and the newspapers that we read are typically filled with references to, or explicit mention of sex.

Sex is not a bad thing; but by fostering societies in which it is encouraged to become a driving force, almost an entity of its own, we are engaging in a dangerous game of Russian roulette. We are paving the way for misplaced desire, in which desire becomes the be-all and end-all, and humanity in general, and the protection of our children in particular become secondary issues.

Calls have been made for local authorities to band together to tackle the growing wave of sexual violence that is threatening the lives of our children. While it cannot be stated that images such as that of the 13-year old model automatically trigger sexual violence against children, with burgeoning evidence of such abuse, it just seems like a risk we can no longer afford to take. As the saying goes, if we are not choosing to be a part of the solution, we must therefore be a part of the problem.

Any move, subtle or otherwise, which not only encourages us to look at under-aged girls as sexual objects; but by extension creates misplaced ideas amongst young girls of what it means to be sexy, is dangerous, and ultimately, our children are paying the price.

A Vegan Parent’s Survival Guide to Halloween!

From Ganymeder:

It’s that time of year again. Time to put up cobwebs instead of sweeping them away. Time to stay up late watching scary movies instead of going to bed at a sensible hour. And, of course, time to Trick or Treat!

Now, speaking as a rabid raving Halloween lover, I have to tell you that I’ve given this quite a bit of thought. At first, you might think that it’s nearly impossible for vegan kids to get (let’s face it) butt loads of candy and treats that they can actually consume - Not to mention what the beleaguered vegan can give to greedy little Trick or Treaters that come a knockin’ October 31st. But never fear, it’s not really hard. It just requires a little foresight and planning.

For one thing, if you want to try to avoid the whole “getting non vegan treats” from well meaning omni friends and family, you can always have a party in your home. That way you control the games and the types of treats the kids are given. One year we had a costume party for my son’s birthday, and it ran along the same lines as Halloween. For starters, I put out a large box full of dress up items like funny hats and plastic googley eyed glasses (which was a big hit)! To get their goody bags, they had to go on a scavenger hunt with lots of clues sending them all over the house.

It’s not expensive to create vegan goody bags filled with vegan jelly beans, assorted non chocolate candies and a few inexpensive toys. At party stores you can usually buy bags of toys to give away such as spider rings, bouncy balls, marbles, and mini card games. If you’re feeling especially generous, you could maybe buy a slave free chocolate bar (such as Newman’s Dark Orange Chocolate) for each child. Another time tested idea is to have your little ones Trick or Treat for a charity like UNICEF. Again, as long as they get goodies at home from you, they shouldn’t be disappointed.

The party idea might work for younger children, but once those vegan tykes are old enough to go to school I’m fairly confident they’re going to be besieged with treats that you wouldn’t want in your home. How do you deal with this tactfully? Do you make a point of returning the candy? That’s really up to you. Personally, I’d at least explain why the child can not have the intended treats, if possible before hand so as to avoid any hurt feelings.

Let’s just cut to the chase and say that, despite your best efforts, you’re child comes home with a bag full of non vegan candy and slave chocolate. What do you do? How do you handle this without the child being disappointed? I assure you, I’ve given this quite a bit of thought.

From my own experience and also that of some other vegan parents, the ol’ switcheroo seems to work nicely. Basically, your child brings home their “goodies” but you offer (give) them in exchange a much better bag of vegan ethical goodies that no kid in their right mind would refuse. The trick is to make YOUR goody bag much more appealing than anything they would bring home. So far this year, my son’s exchange-bag-o-goodies includes 3 of his favorite candy bars, some snack bars, a mini notebook (a guaranteed favorite as he loves to draw constantly), and a monster hand puppet. I plan on getting a few more things here and there over the next few weeks; Maybe some little bags of chips and some vegan jelly beans. I might even throw in a pack of Chaotic cards and a Tech Deck (he collects them). Whatever your child is interested in or collects that isn’t too pricey would be a good choice. And, of course, I will let him keep any vegan candies he does happen to collect. The exchange only applies to the non vegan ones.

So enjoy your Halloween without taking a “holiday” from your ethics. And, of course, have a BOO-tiful Holiday!

***
Some links for Fair Trade vegan chocolates and jelly beans.


**In the interest of full disclosure, the past Halloweens my son was vegetarian but not vegan. So he was able to “keep” a greater percentage of the candies he was given. This Halloween will be his first completely Vegan Halloween. I asked him about the exchange bag though,and he’s very excited about it! Also, the other vegan parents I’ve communicated with tell me this method works well for their own children. :)

More on children and veganism.

The full article can be read here.

Let me start by saying this: if you decide not to have kids, that’s completely cool. I fully understand the reasons and respect all of them, whether it’s concerns about overpopulation, not having the maternal/paternal instinct, not being comfortable around kids, or just plain old not wanting kids messing up your well-organized collection of vintage LPs. I promise you I’ll never tell you, “Oh, you’ll change your mind” or say anything like “You never know real love until you have your own child” because that’s just obnoxious. Parenthood isn’t for everyone and I think we are each fully capable of making the decision to parent or not to parent for ourselves.

That said, I think one important thing to remember is that the kids are on our side. They shouldn’t be viewed as enemies and even if you’re staunchly anti-breeding, don’t hate the kid. it’s not their fault they were born. You don’t have to be their best friend or even talk to them, but reserve your hate for something else. Honestly, as a parent, I’d rather you hate me and snub me for having a kid rather than taking it out on my daughter. Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with that, but then again, I’m not really around vegans very often.

Another thing to keep in mind is that these kids are at a point in their veganism that most of us didn’t reach until high school or much later. I look at 5-year-old kids that are happy vegans and have a grasp of animal rights concepts that I didn’t have when I was in college and it’s amazing to me. Kids deal with much more peer pressure than we do as adults, and if they can keep their vegan edge at a point in their lives where all they want to do is fit in, more power to ‘em.

I’m also constantly amazed (and inspired) when I hear about kids that aren’t even teenagers that decide to give up meat even when no one else in their family does. Often, these kids get their friends or families to go veg with them. That’s some realness right there.

Kids are a huge influence on other kids. Strong, confident vegan kids are going to influence their peers over time. So, maybe it would be better to think of those kids you “hate” as advocates for the future generation. We’re going to have a tougher time as adults reaching eight-year-olds than one of their classmates is, so let’s give those vegan kids all the support we can. And if “support” for you just means showing a little more tolerance to a kid and not hating him based solely on the fact he’s a kid, that’s fine by me.

On Children and Veganism.

From the guy that brought you Herbivore magazine and clothing line.

There is no "U" in "Community." Well...there is but...

understand that children are a contentious topic in our movement. I understand the argument that we should not be breeding because the planet cannot support more humans. I understand a lot of people are afraid of children. I understand there are a lot of bad parents out there whose children do not ever see limits imposed on their behavior and they run wild in the streets, drenched in the blood of the infidels and burning the villages in their wake, waving sticky hands in the air and drooling from their sticky mouths, spilling every cup in sight.

I didn't really understand or feel completely comfortable around kids until I became a father. I still get nervous around other people's kids sometimes, actually. And I get hyper sensitive sometimes if Ruby is having a hard time in public or things aren't going her way and I want to make sure we aren't bothering people around us. This rarely happens as Rubes is a pretty mellow kid.

I have heard, more times than I care to count, otherwise sensitive and intelligent people say "I hate kids."

I've had people in this movement say to me "Why do I have to try and like your kid?" I've seen people in this movement get up and move when a vegan mom sat down next to them with a vegan baby and say something rude. I've had people say to me "I usually hate kids, but yours is cool!" (Uh...thanks?) I've seen people in this movement list "Kids" in their list of "disklikes" right next to meat eaters and smokers. (Oddly, in their "likes" list they will have "vegans." My kid is a vegan. Do you hate her or like her?)

Here is what you need to understand. Children are as nature made them. You dislike them, not for choices they have made (like religion or politics), but for things beyond their control. You "hate" them because they do not act like you and are outside your group. This makes you a bigot.

Bigot: One who is strongly partial to one's own group...and is intolerant of those who differ.

If you'd like to change your sentence from "I hate kids" to something more accurate, like "I am uncomfortable around children because I do not know any" or "I have had bad experiences with children in the past" please do so now and you are off the hook, sort of.

If you want to stick with the "I hate kids" line, what is the difference between "hating" kids (I keep putting this in quotes because I don't believe people actually hate kids, I just think they are irresponsible with their language.) and "hating" any other group of people for who they are instead of for choices they have made? Like the elderly? Or people of color? Or the differently abled? What exactly is the difference?

The times I confronted people in the animal rights movement with this question who professed to hate kids I got no response. Does anybody know how "hating" kids would be different than "hating" the differently abled or "hating" the elderly? I am willing to be corrected on this because I just called a whole bunch of people bigots and hope I'm wrong.

Here is what I also want people to understand, people who want this movement to grow and for less animals to suffer and die and end up as food, entertainment, clothing, etc:

Vegan children need vegan role models or they will not stay in this movement.

Kids know when they are unwelcomed in a place or situation. If I take Ruby to a vegan event and she gets nasty looks or hears rude comments about children, why would she ever want to hang around that group of people or believe those people's beliefs are kind and something she should try and adopt? If I sit down next to someone at a vegan event and the person next to me gets up and moves to the other side of the table, why would my daughter want to stick around or get involved? If I keep dragging her to events and she keeps feeling shunned and unaccepted, as soon as she is able to go elsewhere, she will. She needs adults, other than her parents, to help her understand these values.

It is our responsibility to create a movement that is inclusive and welcoming and supportive of people already involved and those looking to join us. This includes children. It includes EVERY group of people.

I am not telling you that you have to take my kid to the bathroom. I'm not telling you you have to be all smiles if Ruby loses her cool and throws a fit. I'm not asking you to hold her or teach her to read. I don't need you to babysit some time. If she spills something, don't worry, you don't have to clean it up.

What I'm asking is that you think about your behavior and how it affects this community, the members of it who you might not be the most comfortable with, and by extension, the animals you care so much about.

I'm asking you to understand that some people in this community might require you to take one step outside your comfort zone every once in a while. I want you to know that if you try a little harder and focus on the movement as a whole, instead of yourself, we will all be a little stronger. If Ruby sees smiles and hears the occasional "Hi there" from you, it will go a long way in making her feel accepted in the community she is involved in. And if she feels accepted and supported, she will stick around and become a powerful activist herself one day.

November is Domestic Violence Awarness Month.

Myths and Facts about Domestic Violence

MYTH #1: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFFECTS ONLY A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION AND IS RARE.

FACT: National studies estimate that 3 to 4 million women are beaten each year in our country. A study conducted in 1995 found that 31% of women surveyed admitted to having been physically assaulted by a husband or boyfriend. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in our country, and the FBI estimates that a woman is beaten every 15 seconds. Thirty percent of female homicide victims are killed by partners or ex-partners and 1,500 women are murdered as a result of domestic violence each year in the United States.

MYTH #2: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OCCURS ONLY IN POOR, UNEDUCATED AND MINORITY FAMILIES.

FACT: Studies of domestic violence consistently have found that battering occurs among all types of families, regardless of income, profession, region, ethnicity, educational level or race. However, the fact that lower income victims and abusers are over-represented in calls to police, battered women's shelters and social services may be due to a lack of other resources.

MYTH #3: THE REAL PROBLEM IS COUPLES WHO ASSAULT EACH OTHER. WOMEN ARE JUST AS VIOLENT AS MEN.

FACT: A well-publicized study conducted by Dr. Murray Strauss at the University of New Hampshire found that women use violent means to resolve conflict in relationships as often as men. However, the study also concluded that when the context and consequences of an assault are measured, the majority of victims are women. The U.S. Department of Justice has found that 95% of the victims of spouse abuse are female. Men can be victims, but it is rare.

MYTH #4: ALCOHOL ABUSE CAUSES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

FACT: Although there is a high correlation between alcohol, or other substance abuse, and battering, it is not a causal relationship. Batterers use drinking as one of many excuses for their violence and as a way to place the responsibility for their violence elsewhere. Stopping the abusers' drinking will not stop the violence. Both battering and substance abuse need to be addressed separately, as overlapping yet independent problems.

MYTH #5: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS USUALLY A ONE TIME, ISOLATED OCCURRENCE.

FACT: Battering is a pattern of coercion and control that one person exerts over another. Battering is not just one physical attack. It includes the repeated use of a number of tactics, including intimidation, threats, economic deprivation, isolation and psychological and sexual abuse. Physical violence is just one of these tactics. The various forms of abuse utilized by batterers help to maintain power and control over their spouses and partners.

MYTH #6: MEN WHO BATTER ARE OFTEN GOOD FATHERS AND SHOULD HAVE JOINT CUSTODY OF THEIR CHILDREN IF THE COUPLE SEPARATES.

Fact: Studies have found that men who batter their wives also abuse their children in 70% of cases. Even when children are not directly abused, they suffer as a result of witnessing one parent assault another. Batterers often display an increased interest in their children at the time of separation, as a means of maintaining contact with, and thus control over, their partners.

MYTH #7: WHEN THERE IS VIOLENCE IN THE FAMILY, ALL MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY ARE PARTICIPATING IN THE DYNAMIC, AND THEREFORE, ALL MUST CHANGE FOR THE VIOLENCE TO STOP.

FACT: Only the batterer has the ability to stop the violence. Battering is a behavioral choice for which the batterer must be held accountable. Many battered women make numerous attempts to change their behavior in the hope that this will stop the abuse. This does not work. Changes in family members' behavior will not cause the batterer to be non-violent.

MYTH #8: BATTERED WOMEN ARE MASOCHISTIC AND PROVOKE THE ABUSE. THEY MUST LIKE IT OR THEY WOULD LEAVE.

FACT: Victim provocation is no more common in domestic violence than in any other crime. Battered women often make repeated attempts to leave violent relationships, but are prevented from doing so by increased violence and control tactics on the part of the abuser. Other factors which inhibit a victim's ability to leave include economic dependence, few viable options for housing and support, unhelpful responses from the criminal justice system or other agencies, social isolation, cultural or religious constraints, a commitment to the abuser and the relationship and fear of further violence. It has been estimated that the danger to a victim increases by 70% when she attempts to leave, as the abuser escalates his use of violence when he begins to lose control.

MYTH #9: MEN HAVE A RIGHT TO DISCIPLINE THEIR PARTNERS FOR MISBEHAVING. BATTERING IS NOT A CRIME.

FACT: While our society derives from a patriarchal legal system that afforded men the right to physically chastise their wives and children, we do not live under such a system now. Women and children are no longer considered the property of men, and domestic violence is a crime in every state In the country.